Pretentious, opinionated language

Games, technology, music, silliness. Oh and ninjas. Lots of ninjas.

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Location: Oslo, Norway

I am Andreas. Day time programmer and technical consultant. Night time musician and game developer.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Mortal Kombaaaaat! Threee!

UMK3 is on live arcade, and i seemed to remember that i liked it once. This in spite of vehemently disliking the recent MK games, and always being a Street Fighter fan (i hear MK fans and SF fans are completely incompatible, might be true).

Let's reiterate, and i'm sorry if i step on any toes:

  1. What the hell happened here?
    Did someone put Johnny Cage down on paper and someone else went "yeah, that's the look we're shooting for"? This isn't just up there with Tekken's King, this is *far* beyond comprehension. Look at this guy! His special move is doing the splits, and then punching someone in the nuts. It's like first demonstrating his lack of nuts, and then punishing the opposition for having them. He hates nuts! That's his motivation!

  2. This, is SHAO KAHN. Fear the last boss of the game! He has a grand total of 5 moves:

    Running at you.
    Jumping at you.
    Shooting a green fireball in your general direction.
    Kicking you.
    Hitting you with a magically appearing hammer.

    Through DEFT use of these mighty techniques, he has acquired dominion of the underworld, or whatever the hell MK lore calls that place with all the spirals and rocks.

    This is among the worst final boss designs i have ever come across. It *demolishes* Tekken 5's Jinpachi in the cheapness stakes, to the point of mechanical slaughter. This asshole robot will happily spam you with a single cheap move, driving you into the wall with no hope of survival, unless he magically fucks up and lets you get an uppercut in. What the fuck Midway, did you really think this was an incredible design? Did you get up in the morning and look forward to seeing more Shao Kahn concept art, positively DROOLING at the prospect of having this AWESOME character in your game? This is at the same time the Street Fighter boys were making green circular men with red hair not only acceptable but also somewhat popular. I mean come on.

    This was Midway's gift to the beat'em up world? A BUTTON to do what other games spent a joystick direction on? This design made MK Deception almost completely unplayable on the gamecube where Soul Calibur, a much more complicated game, played like a dream. I'm confused as to why an extra button became necessary.

  4. Hahahaha 90s. Purple pants. Rad.

  5. I couldn't possibly write about UMK3 without bringing up Motaro. Not a TERRIBLE boss by MK standards (i mean Goro, come on), but um. It's a horse-cow-man with a cyborg tail. Walking backwards in this case. And backwards is exactly what it is.


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